That is starting to be my mantra (pronounced “muhntruh”, by the way, not “maantra” [I need to learn IPA]). It is quite sad. I have been so unfocused these past few weeks. I have been getting B’s on tests that I should be acing, procrastinating pathetically, ignoring homework, and wasting away in general. I should not be. I just cannot seem to focus nowadays. I have been wasting so much time on stupid things. I have to remind myself constantly to focus and it is not good. I am too absorbed by things that, while fun and by no means unimportant, should pale in comparison to school. I feel so stupid for not working harder. I feel like I am oscillating between two philosophies: the “100” philosophy and the “89.5” philosophy.
The “100” outlook is the idea that only a 100 is good enough. I get the “100” outlook from . . . everywhere. Giouli & co., family, society . . . They always tell you to “do your best”. Almost never is my work truly my best. There was a time, I think, when it used to be. But then I began to see the “merits” of the “89.5” method. This is the idea that you should only do what is necessary to get an A and then focus on extracurriculars. Well, the second part is only implied. I seem to have merged the downsides of the two and formed some sort of super-slacker ideology. I do only what I need to get and waste the rest of my time on the Internet. >.<
It is very hard for me to reconcile these two views and perhaps find a “happy medium”. As I have said before, I have very little self-control and self-discipline. I also seem to have no problem with breaking promises to myself. This is not good, as any chance for improvement would doubtless come from some sort of pact with myself. I will have to reflect on how I am going to improve my habits and focus.
However, I figure that if I make a promise with the Intertubes, then perhaps I will be better at keeping it. :)
Here is the plan:
- Stop with the late nights. They are screwing up my life. Seriously. I could be reading some great books I have not gotten to for a while, instead of the stupid stuff I do. Also, I end up sleeping too much in class. This is not a problem in Chemistry, which is boring as hell, but I feel bad for sleeping in French and AP Biology. French because Mme. May works so hard, and also because she has been getting a little annoyed by it. AP Biology because I like Ms. Bidwell. :)
- Stop spending so much time on the computer in general. If I were using the desktop still (which I did for a month while my laptop was away for repairs) then it would be easier because my parents need the computer, too. Now, I have the laptop to myself and could go on for hours if I wished. My goal, however, is to not wish. This leads to my next point.
- Stop getting so distracted. I start out intending to do homework, and end up on Facebook, reading blogs, Wikipedia, or some combination of the three. This is bad. I get the homework done, eventually, but often I have to turn it in late (coughbiolabscough). This goes back to the whole “100” vs. “89.5” problem. In essence, I need to buckle down and get my homework done. After that, I can either browse the Intertubes or read or even sleep.
So, my friends, I ask you a favor (ooh, I feel all John McCain-y!). Help me keep my promise. Do not allow me to lose, as Mr. Jones says, the only thing I truly have in my life: my honor. If you think I am procrastinating, off-task, or whatever, let me know. A simple reminder of my promise will do. I would love you guys forever and ever and ever if you did this! :)