Focus! 8 November 2008

That is starting to be my mantra (pronounced “muhntruh”, by the way, not “maantra” [I need to learn IPA]). It is quite sad. I have been so unfocused these past few weeks. I have been getting B’s on tests that I should be acing, procrastinating pathetically, ignoring homework, and wasting away in general. I should not be. I just cannot seem to focus nowadays. I have been wasting so much time on stupid things. I have to remind myself constantly to focus and it is not good. I am too absorbed by things that, while fun and by no means unimportant, should pale in comparison to school. I feel so stupid for not working harder. I feel like I am oscillating between two philosophies: the “100” philosophy and the “89.5” philosophy.

The “100” outlook is the idea that only a 100 is good enough. I get the “100” outlook from . . . everywhere. Giouli & co., family, society . . . They always tell you to “do your best”. Almost never is my work truly my best. There was a time, I think, when it used to be. But then I began to see the “merits” of the “89.5” method. This is the idea that you should only do what is necessary to get an A and then focus on extracurriculars. Well, the second part is only implied. I seem to have merged the downsides of the two and formed some sort of super-slacker ideology. I do only what I need to get and waste the rest of my time on the Internet. >.<

It is very hard for me to reconcile these two views and perhaps find a “happy medium”. As I have said before, I have very little self-control and self-discipline. I also seem to have no problem with breaking promises to myself. This is not good, as any chance for improvement would doubtless come from some sort of pact with myself. I will have to reflect on how I am going to improve my habits and focus.

However, I figure that if I make a promise with the Intertubes, then perhaps I will be better at keeping it. :)

Here is the plan: